Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
