I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
