so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
ttyl tear gas
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
