she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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