i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize