He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
