And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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