i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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