i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
