Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
