u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
