piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
