I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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