you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
