You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
