Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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