Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
