the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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