then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
