You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
