I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
His hands were made for my vagina.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
