I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
