This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
