the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
