and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
