I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize