I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
