She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
