i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
