He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
