This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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