i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
