Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
