Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
