um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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