she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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