No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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