i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
