You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
