So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
