I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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