You made me cry and you don't even care
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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