Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He had one of those small greek statue penises
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
