So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
