I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
