Got a toothbrush?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize