I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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