Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
