i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
