He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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